So it’s been awhile, like a long while and although I normally used to have just pictures and occasional angst-y lyrics I figured I’d post some text as a sort of confessional fun fact time!
I think this can be most clearly articulated in a messaged I sent to someone not to long ago confessing how they impacted my life ( this is only part mind you… Can’t go sharing all my secrets now)
; there was a gripping sadness that possessed me and started to siphon the happiness out of the other spheres of my life, turning my once creative energies into very negative ones. Ultimately I imploded on myself and landed myself in the civic hospital, also. But that being said even at my worst times because there have been a couple over this past year and a bit. I’ve heard the words from that letter “there’s a craft to be mastered in the lesson learned. That craft is the ability to facilitate the madness, to hone it, to give into it, and then, right as it gains enough momentum to carry you away (and once you’ve acquired whatever you were hoping to gain from it) keep it at arms length- but never, ever turn your back on it.”
Nothing anyone has ever told me has ever resonated with me like that. It’s always been my problem to not face my inner self and the things which plague my subconscious because I’ve lived my life in a manner of pleasing smiles and “I’m fine, thank you’s” figuring that, that was the expectation. And to some degree it was… In the most raw form I’ve learned that it is these expectations that we put on ourself and that others place on us are the most deadly of creatures because they hold our authenticity hostage all the while making you feel great when you live up to them… But empty when you fall flat of that.